If the idea of bringing up a prenup seems uncomfortable…you are not alone. Many people carry preconceived notions (and baggage) about prenups (prenuptial agreements also known as premarital agreements). However, more and more couples are using the prenup process to stimulate important conversations about how they define and safeguard their marital union (lifestyle, roles, financial responsibility).While prenups have received a lot of public and media attention lately, many people still don't understand their value. Not convinced yet? Read on.
Why?
Bringing up the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be a great way to learn more about your expectations, dreams and hopes. By starting down this communication path now, you are well on your way to creating a mutually fulfilling partnership. Whether you have high assets or are just starting out, have children or don't, there are dozens of reasons a prenup is beneficial to you and your spouse. Here are just a few:

* To determine how you and your spouse define equality in your partnership
* To establish the value of non-monetary contributions to a marriage, such as being a stay at home spouse and career sacrifices
* To cover your pre-marriage nest egg (such as your home, pension plan, stock portfolio, or property with emotional value)
* To protect gifts and inheritances you receive
* To ensure that in the event of death or divorce, you will avoid difficult disputes over property (such as family businesses, stock options, professional degrees, licenses and practices, pension plans, and copyrights)
* To ensure that children from a prior marriage receive their intended inheritance
* To allocate any pre-marriage ownership/partnership in a business
* To protect yourself from your partners' pre-marriage debt, ie credit card debt or prior loans

Sliding a prenup across the dinner table a week before the wedding is not the appropriate time to bring up this important conversation! Conversations about concerns, expectations, and responsibilities are best had early in the relationship. As your relationship gets more serious, your conversations should get more detailed and specific. I know one guy who said, "I'm demanding a pre-nup". Didn't work out.

Where do you normally discuss topics important to your partnership, such as life goals, finances or family? Find or create a calm, neutral spot where you will both feel open, at ease and unpressured. Whether it's your living room sofa, an afternoon walk or a quiet dinner, you'll want to create an environment where both of you are most comfortable- mentally and physically.

You've gone through the why, when, and where, now here's the "how". Even when couples understand the reasons for these marriage contracts, many aren't sure just how to initiate the discussion. Take a look at these suggestions to get you started on the "HOW".

* Openly, honestly, directly
* State your specific concerns
* Present an idea to be implemented by the two of you over time
* Invite discussion about any underlying issues that arise
* Work out your issues collaboratively

Conversation starters:

"I believe that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition, and I'm concerned about giving up my job to become a full-time stay at home spouse. Can we establish a principle of 50-50 sharing at the outset?"

"Let's talk about our future, what we both want, our lifestyles, our present and future finances. I want to make sure all our money issues are addressed and resolved in an agreement. Then we won't have them hanging over us when we get married."

"One thing I have to consider before I get married is my parents' business. I need to be confident that the business will remain in the family in the event the unthinkable occurs."

Prenup No-no's

* Springing a prenup upon your intended
* Presenting the idea of a prenup as a fait accompli
* Suggesting a prenup at the last moment
* Being overbearing or heavy handed

REMEMBER: Don't let a prenup fall to the bottom of your "To Do" list. The discussions you have revolving around the prenup are conversations you WILL have once you are married. Getting to know your partner's position on these important aspects early can help head-off more difficult discussions during the marriage. If you can't talk about touchy issues, it doesn't bode well for the marriage.
If you are having pre-marriage counseling (and you probably should), often the counselor will bring it up, since they are so common. Disputes over money are such a problem in marriage. Don't let this be your downfall.

My friend: It is my undrestanding you saying " you want to spend the rest of your life with your fiance", in that point you don't need a pre-nup because your love for her is strong. But, in another part (and you don't explain to well) talking about money it is a big issue; it is because you are the man with the money and she don't care about your money (that's what she said). The best you can do is to talk to her to the point; that every year she steal marrie with you, you put and amout into the pre-nup for her and put a limit to it if she wanted or not.
Tell her it make you feel good and whatever will come in the future everyone are secure. Also, blain mami or papi, just to make happyness to everyone close to you. And my friend if she love you and you talk to her may be she undrestand and she don't care about the money she will do it just to please you. Good luck.....

This is an investment protection plan. Just like any retirement plan.
A prenup if you don't want it to ruin your future plans should protect your past investments and any future investments with your wife should be split. Offer up suggestions on protecting both your futures investments as well as past for both.
Start with talking about insurance policies for both of you, make a plan.
Go to past investment protections for both of you, make a plan.
Move to future investments, make a plan.

This has to all be done at the same time and commited to at the same time, if you drag it out over a period of days the whole intension will be possibly lost.

How To: Convince Her To Sign A Prenup
The easiest way to convince your girlfriend to sign is by making it clear that it's to protect both of you, not just you. And make sure to explain that you in no way expect to get a divorce in the future. Don't lead her to believe that you're planning your exit strategy. Explain that this is simply a "just in case" plan.

Mention it early on:
It's a good idea to bring up the prenup issue early on in the relationship, and definitely before getting engaged, in order to gauge her feelings about the issue.

Answer all her questions:
Ask her what she knows about prenups. Make her understand that it's not you against her; you both have input when it comes to the contract. Make her understand that it's not about her getting nothing if you part ways. Don't leave her with doubts.

Ask her to put emotion aside:
Ask her to be logical about the situation. Although this will likely be difficult for her (it is for most women), if she really cares for you, she'll put forth the effort.

Ask her to get legal advice:
She will eventually see the benefits of a prenup on her own. Tell her you love her, and that this is just insurance.

Mention that it can prevent cheating
You can include a clause about cheating, if she begins to question your fidelity. Keep in mind that if you agree to do this, then she should have no problem attesting that she'll remain faithful as well.

State that it takes care of your children:
A prenup allows you to plan for custody of any future children. It lets you plan for potential future child support and alimony payments, should things take an unfortunate turn in the marriage.

she says, he says

You can bet your ass that she'll have questions about this whole prenup issue, and plenty of them. So, prepare yourself for the barrage by studying the following hypothetical questions and answers.

On to some things your girl might say to deter you and what you can counter with to make sure she signs on the dotted line...

Here are some likely scenarios of what she might say, and what you should retort with.

Her: Divorce won't happen to us.
You: You're probably right. But, just in case, we need to be prepared.

Her: If you trust me, there's no need to sign a prenup.
You: I do trust you. But my lawyer has advised me to do so, for business and legal purposes.

Her: If we ever break up, we could do it amicably.
You: Perhaps. However, there's a thin line between love and hate. People get emotional during breakups.

Her: Does this mean that if we divorce, I won't be entitled to anything?
You: No. It simply means that we can't take each other's money, but we'll share whatever we build together. (So if she has more money than you do, this should be a non-issue.)

Her: Why are you treating marriage like it's a business?
You: I'm not. I only want to avoid any potential future complications if we ever decide to leave each other.

Her: What happens if we divorce while I'm raising the kids and I don't have a job?
You: If something happens, you and the kids will be taken care of. That's a big reason for the agreement.

Her: I'm not like other women. I wouldn't do this to you.
You: That's right, you're not like other women. You're the best. That's why I want to marry you and do it the right way.

Her: None of my friends have done it. I don't know other couples that have done it.
You: Yes, but none of your friends get to marry a man as wonderful as me. You know I like to plan things thoroughly.

Her: If you really love me, you won't need a prenup.
You: I do really love you, that's why I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. Just think of this as insurance.

Her: My family thinks it's a bad idea.
You: I think your family's great, but this is about you and me, and our future.

Her: You know money isn't important to me.
You: I know. That's why signing this document shouldn't be a big deal.

Her: What happens if you cheat on me when we're married?
You: You know I wouldn't do that. But in that case, the prenup would give you more power.

Her: Let me think about it.
You: Take your time. Once you agree to a prenup, we'll set the wedding date.

the bottom line

Remember that if she brings up the possibility of getting married, then this could be your ace by countering with the prenup.

But if your girlfriend or fiance is completely against a prenup, then it might be a sign of things to come. Some couples who want to get divorced don't, simply because of the legal and financial implications. So, they're basically stuck in an unhappy marriage. Now that you understand prenuptial agreements and how you can convince her that they're a good idea, don't let her talk you out of signing.

Nowadays, prenups shouldn't be optional; they should be mandatory.

Resources:
www.nolo.com