Here are some yo mama jokes!! they're Hilarious!

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
...

Here are some yo mama jokes!! they're Hilarious!

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.

Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!

Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes

Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Grow your own dope! Plant a blonde!...

Grow your own dope! Plant a blonde!For men: You know you're old when you're having a bad hair day - in your ears!

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

...

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot ...

*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

*PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."

*A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."
*A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years." *TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"

*A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
*When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the prif you want to see funny videos and pictures visit the site http://www.comedycentral.com/j...

ONE MORE LINK; http://www.comedy.com/videos

Umm. Im not 100% what you meant by "explicit" but I think this is clean enough.
what did the leper say to the hooker?
you can keep the tip.

In case that was too dirty to qualify I have more.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
...

Umm. Im not 100% what you meant by "explicit" but I think this is clean enough.
what did the leper say to the hooker?
you can keep the tip.

In case that was too dirty to qualify I have more.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
9/11

A piccolist and a violist fall off a cliff who dies first?
who cares?

What do you call a dog in a pot?
毀砱棵ㄩ (chinese for dinner)

1) My 3 year old brother was asked by his teacher few questions one among them was:

Teacher: "What would you wish to become once you grow up?"
Brother: "I wish to become a Dad."

2) A little girl along with her friends visited the cremation of a person ...

1) My 3 year old brother was asked by his teacher few questions one among them was:

Teacher: "What would you wish to become once you grow up?"
Brother: "I wish to become a Dad."

2) A little girl along with her friends visited the cremation of a person who died in a war. Her friends started talking about the cremation:

Friend: "He is a great man. Look how many people turned up to bid him Good Bye!"

Girl: "This isn't anything. If my District Collector Uncle expires you can see more people than you see here."

[ District Collector : The District Collector is a Central Indian Government appointee who is in charge of the governance of a district in a state. ]

Im sorry I can't answer your question because im tired and i REALLY have to pee...............................................
........................................
ok, now im just tired- and i have a mess to clean up

A woman is working on the buses in the collecting tickets.

She rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a man half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the man falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the woman is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Virginia she's sent to the electric chair. On the day of her execution she's sat in the chair and the executioner grants her a final wish. "Well" ...

A woman is working on the buses in the collecting tickets.

She rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a man half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the man falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the woman is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Virginia she's sent to the electric chair. On the day of her execution she's sat in the chair and the executioner grants her a final wish. "Well" says the woman, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green tomatoe?" The executioner gives the woman his green tomatoe and waits till she's eaten it. When the woman's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the woman. When the smoke clears the woman is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the woman asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before." The woman leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again she rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A woman falls under the wheels and is killed. The woman is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Virginia. The woman is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green tomatoe in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned woman. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his tomatoe. The woman eats the tomatoe all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Virginia. When the smoke clears the woman is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the woman go.

Well, would you believe, the woman gets her job back on the buses. Once again she rings the bell while passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. She is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to the chair, determined to get this woman this time. The woman sits down in the chair smiling. "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the woman, "Can I have that green tomatoe out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his green tomatoe and the woman eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the woman is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green tomatoe isn't it" he asked. "Nope" said the woman, "I'm just a really bad conductor"

AN IMPORTANT THING ABOUT PEOPLE GETTING OLD.


shit, i forgot what i was gunna tell ya now.

How do you get a fat girl into bed?
Piece of cake