I really really wish i knew,my Brother would leave the room when i came in i hardly saw my other siblings and people i knew to say hi to, would cross the road,I understood it may be hard for them to deal with,but they didnt have to live with the fear every day,and it hurt more because it was family.
When i was well,i asked them WHY????? and there replies where pretty much all the same ''they didnt want to upset me by talking about the cancer, so ...

I really really wish i knew,my Brother would leave the room when i came in i hardly saw my other siblings and people i knew to say hi to, would cross the road,I understood it may be hard for them to deal with,but they didnt have to live with the fear every day,and it hurt more because it was family.
When i was well,i asked them WHY????? and there replies where pretty much all the same ''they didnt want to upset me by talking about the cancer, so they avoided the subject and when that got to hard they avoided me''Its just how different people cope....be honest with them make them listen shout out how you feel it might just break the awkwardness and let them know its ok to talk about .

sometime people cant deal with such sadness cancer can bring.often they dont know how to respond to the patient as well as other family members.however if you talk to them and explain the processes you are going through maybe you could involve them more.
having been here before with relative i found the best way is to talk about things,especially treatment and pain management and what if factors,hope this can help....

sometime people cant deal with such sadness cancer can bring.often they dont know how to respond to the patient as well as other family members.however if you talk to them and explain the processes you are going through maybe you could involve them more.
having been here before with relative i found the best way is to talk about things,especially treatment and pain management and what if factors,hope this can help.

I think it's meaning because they dont want to end up getting really close to you and than lose you. They do it to help themself. I guess. I think it's wrong. I would be there for the person every step of the way.

I think that sometimes its hard for loved ones to understand what you may be going through....and or maybe they dont understand enough about the disease,to be able to cope with thought of losing someone to cancer.

I know someone whose adult kids didn't know how to deal with everything. I used to talk to her in an open manner , which she seemed to like . I think her kids didn't want to face the thought of loosing their mom. Their way was to bury their head in the sand and everything would be okay. I think honesty would be helpful in talking to those around you about everything you are going through.I wish you luck.

I would first like to say, that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband. DON'T EVER GIVE UP. Now back to your question, I am a cancer survivor, I had testicular cancer in 2004. I had three surgery's and four month of intense kemotherapy. I was literally bed re den for ten months. There may in fact be Lot's of people who are seriously miss informed about these diseases however my experience was this, there is in fact a high rate of divorces with one of the partners having cancer. In fact I had gone through...

I would first like to say, that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband. DON'T EVER GIVE UP. Now back to your question, I am a cancer survivor, I had testicular cancer in 2004. I had three surgery's and four month of intense kemotherapy. I was literally bed re den for ten months. There may in fact be Lot's of people who are seriously miss informed about these diseases however my experience was this, there is in fact a high rate of divorces with one of the partners having cancer. In fact I had gone through a divorce after from recovering from my cancer. I had a son [ and still do] who was two years old and a step son age eight years old. The stress it put on my wife at the time was huge. She took on the role as mother, dad, paying all the bill's, fighting with insurance company's, worrying about paying rent, and income. and also she had no emotional support from me. { I was just to sick}
And it took a heavy toll not just on her but also my two boy's. I had a lot of hate and con temp for her and a lot of self centeredness regarding my plait. However, I have moved pass that and now am able to put myself in her shoes if only but awhile. So what ever life puts in front of us, please remember, Fight with all your might against cancer. And pray with all your heart and soul for those around you that give everything for you. God bless you. Sincerely
Thomas.

it's all because of lack of health education, lack of integrity, lack of affection, lack of helping, lack of giving and on top being material.

ppl are pigs.. expect noting better from them ,

The only thing I can think of is maybe there scared, just as much or more as you are, I have no Idea what you are going through but I think that, that might be it, Or they also might feel that your not upto friends being around you (let them know its ok) you need them now, having someone close to you walk away at a time there needed the most is hurtfull Iam sure ,Let them know that there friendship or family relation to you is important to you aswell, Don`t hide anything tell them how you feel, If they love you they wil...

The only thing I can think of is maybe there scared, just as much or more as you are, I have no Idea what you are going through but I think that, that might be it, Or they also might feel that your not upto friends being around you (let them know its ok) you need them now, having someone close to you walk away at a time there needed the most is hurtfull Iam sure ,Let them know that there friendship or family relation to you is important to you aswell, Don`t hide anything tell them how you feel, If they love you they will be there for you , and if there not then the friendship wasn`t really there. I hope you can work this all out.
good luck:)

These people are likely to be doing one of 2 things, firstly finding out someone has cancer is quite a shock and you don't know what to say to people, unless you've been through it yourself or with a close family member it's difficult to know what to do or say, it's easier not to do anything then end up doing the wrong thing and upsetting the sufferer, this usually results in distance being put between you. Secondly there's a chance these people could be distancing themselves because they know the sufferer is likely to ...

These people are likely to be doing one of 2 things, firstly finding out someone has cancer is quite a shock and you don't know what to say to people, unless you've been through it yourself or with a close family member it's difficult to know what to do or say, it's easier not to do anything then end up doing the wrong thing and upsetting the sufferer, this usually results in distance being put between you. Secondly there's a chance these people could be distancing themselves because they know the sufferer is likely to deteriorate, it's hard to see a once vibrant person wasting away and will be easier not to see a person suffering and possibly dying. It's not the best way to deal with such things but is quite common.

Your story is a very touching subject. I lost six relatives ages 30-78 from cancer. Prior to their deaths, each ones suffering was different. Believe me it wasn’t easy for me to be exposed to them. I never distanced myself from them except for my grandma because she died when I was 13. At that time it wasn’t really discussed among our family members. As for the other love ones, they were close to my age.

...

Your story is a very touching subject. I lost six relatives ages 30-78 from cancer. Prior to their deaths, each ones suffering was different. Believe me it wasn’t easy for me to be exposed to them. I never distanced myself from them except for my grandma because she died when I was 13. At that time it wasn’t really discussed among our family members. As for the other love ones, they were close to my age.

For past 3 years, I found in my schedule to visit cancer’s individuals. Some of the individual has beaten this disease and others who are still suffering from it and others who loss a family member. When I saw your story, as I said before, this disease is a very touching subject. Therefore, I asked them to read your story and I like to share their feedback. Their stories are at the end of my personal thoughts.

[IMO]
Cancer is a very sensitive subject. It is a something that will affect both yourself and the people around you. Cancer is something that everyone is scared about. With so many people dying from cancer each year, it is normal for them to be afraid. Or sometimes, people just do not know how to show their support and care for those with cancer. The reason people change is not because they fear it is contagious - they fear the unknown and do not know how to handle the situation or what to say. Instead of accepting it and continuing to be friends - they distance themselves out of fear and ignorance. It is not easy for most people to adapt to this acceptance of a friend/family members’ illness - instead of enjoying the friendship and treating them as normal - the 'fear factor' creeps in - as said before - this is ignorance of the facts. They may be afraid to disturb your rest or think that you are too tired to have them as guests. Or it may be simply that they do know what to say when they see you, so they just stop contacting with you.

They probably just don’t know what to say to you. People feel very helpless when someone is ill and find it easier to avoid the person that is ill. It happens when someone dies as well. The most important thing to say is that you will be there for that person and then show them that you are. Make the most of the friends and family that are there for you. During acute episodes, I think there is a genuine reluctance to impose on the time of the person and their family. Fear of getting in the way of rest periods and not wanting to impose on people, for example. So they just drop off.

I know it is already hard for you and your family dealing with such disease, and now all your close friends and relatives are distancing away from you. There may be a lot of question in your mind, but in the same time, questions also arise from their mind as well. Will I disturb them? Have they had their treatment? Is it a good time for me to visit them? What can I do while I am there? What can I say to them that will not hurt both feelings? What if she is distress, how can I comfort her? …) Question like these will distance many closed friends and relatives. It is not because they do not care, but because they do not know how to care. If you really want reestablish that close relationship with them. It is best to understand why they are running away from you. A short division may sometimes lead to a permanent separation.

When the entire dynamic of a couple, never mind a family unit changes when a serious diagnosis arrive their interaction, conversation, priorities change. Without knowing it, sometimes we tend to push others away by not being good listeners. Because those people continue to have lives and dramas, but they kind of pale in to insignificance compared to fighting for life. And after a while, they get tired of the one way conversations. Eventually, you have less and less in common, and so they drop off. But I think it is usually a two way street in that regard, it's just hard to see it when you are dealing with life and death.
Energy-- it takes a lot of it to fight a disease, and as much again to be really supportive. But while you're trying to be supportive, there are no compensations. Work still demands of you; family; children; partners; schools etc., and there is only so much left over. Not a real lot to be real supportive with--if you want to know more, there is a lot of books and useful suggestion out there in the internet to help people in your situations. Group gathering with other cancer patient is also a very good place where you can get some useful hint and supports from people in your situations; you may also find some new friends there too. I know this is very brief, but I hope this may help

[Nana]
I am a cancer survivor. I was diagnosed in late 1984 and the operations started in March of 1985. I had a total of 12 operations between then and February of 1989.

I noticed that as I got more and more ill, I lost all my weight until I got down to 92 pounds, and that is very underweight for a woman who is 5'7", my friends started to loose contact with me.

By the time I came home on machines in January of 1989, I had no friends left. I was living in a town where we had no family but I had to live there in order to be close to the doctors who were treating me. So we had no family members living close.

My mother and step father drove through the city we were living in 9 or 10 times during my battle and only stopped once to see me. There was three times when they were called and told that I had reached the end and was given less than 24 hours to live. She did see fit to come and see me one of those times too.

I don't know why you loose all of your friends during a time like that, but you do. I think it is because people don't know what to say so they stay away.

I learned a lot during my battle and since then, when I have a friend or just someone I know, going through any kind of hardship, I stay in constant contact with them.

I am sorry that I don't really have an answer to your question, but it has happened to me and I know that it does indeed happen.

[Lapland]
Most cancer sufferers I have met actually need and want their family and friends around for support and mainly to listen to them.
Cancer is not contagious but can sometimes be hereditary. Some people may distance themselves as they may be frightened and not know what to do or say so instead stay away. There is no right thing you can say except perhaps that "I am here for you any time you need me but really mean that and do your bit.

[Mattie]
I feel fortunate. I am in the last stage of testing. I have one more biopsy to determine if I will lose my lymph nodes along with a radical hysterectomy.
My family has been there 100%. I waited to tell them until I knew for a certainty I had cancer. A select few close friends are aware of my condition and have offered so much! I can't understand why anyone would abandon a friend or family member at this critical time.

[Diane T]
I think the biggest reason they pull away is to protect themselves. I believe they feel if they don't get to close then it won't hurt as much if you don't make it. They don't know what to say so they end up saying nothing. And, then there are those that are afraid that they will catch it. Yes, that's right with all the info out there they still think that the doctors aren't tell us everything they know. They would rather be safe than sorry. I'm a 14 year cancer survivor and that's what I have run into during the time I was being treated.

[BJ]
My family never did. My mom died from Bone cancer, & my dad had surgery for colon cancer. We NEVER turned our backs on them.[Ms T]
I think some people don't know how to react so they distance themselves. My mother had uterine cancer. I was just afraid and scared. She had her uterus removed, and the cancer went away. I don't talk to her anymore, but it's not because of her cancer, it's because of how she was treating me.

A lot of people with cancer want someone that can relate to them and sympathy. It's good you have someone who can go through this with you and be supportive of you. It's hard when you want someone to reach out to you and be there for you, and you get the cold shoulder. There's no way to fix this, but don't waste your time getting upset over the lack of their support system. God bless.

[oldpeppy]

My wife is near death with cancer & when she was first diagnosed in 2006 she straight away informed all family & friends apart from our Son not to visit as she wishes to be remembered as she was! It is her right & I have seen to it that this is the situation! So in our real life case the situation is the opposite to your story in every way!

[Fatima]
Some people just can't handle it. When my mum died of cancer my dad and I spent all our time looking after her. My sister stayed away stating that she just couldn't deal with it and my brother visited for only very short visits. He just pretended it was not happening. He has lived with the guilt ever since. I was angry with them at the time but now 10 years on I have forgiven them but wonder how they would be if it happens to either their own husband or wife.

[Lisa]
My mom had gullet cancer 2 years ago, doing well now, but its true my mom’s neighbor didn’t go round her house for a few months didn’t speak to her properly in the street. It was a very hard time for my mom to cope with cancer that all she needed. All she needed was for her friends to try and act normal around her talk about every day things, yes also about her condition. It’s so sad because someone knows someone or a friend that got cancer its such a common devastating illness, I wish you well

PS: So you see, you are not alone. May God Bless Both of you. My prayers are with you. :-)