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How can I get him to stop controlling me?
Asked by: DiamondGirl
from Cape Town, South Africa
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My boyfriend-27 i am 22 (actually i dont know what we are if we bf and gf or not) well the two of us met over the internet. 2 months later i moved in with him. He spoilt me, i had anything I wanted. He is a very jealous guy and when i got smses from my x's just friendly smses, he would accuse me of cheating. In the end he ended up cheating on me with his x who is 17. A few months down the line, she fell pregnant and had the baby a month ago. This is all very hard for me to take in! I feel like I need to let it all out, but I cant talk to no-one about it. His family knows, mine doesnt. At the moment he is working in another city and i go visit him once a month. He does not have any feelings or any such thing for this x and he only speaks to her when necessary about the child. I love the fact that he spoils me so much, but he tells me that I must be submissive when it comes to him and I may not have guy friends or go out. I went out with a girlfriend a few days ago and he accused me again of cheating. He said if i want to keep him i must be abiding.
Im scared to let him go, as fear that I will not meet another guy that spoils me and buys me what i want. I love him I think because why have i not left him yet?
I cant bear to think how it would be without him. His father is the same way, so i know he will never change. In the past he has hit me as well. He says i cant backchat him or have my say. what he says Goes.!!! I need help please! Advice, anything!
There is a guy at work who is interested in me and he is really sweet, but he is not the same religion as me, which could be a problem.
I always saw myself getting married to my bf. I dont know where to turn to
Im scared to let him go, as fear that I will not meet another guy that spoils me and buys me what i want. I love him I think because why have i not left him yet?
I cant bear to think how it would be without him. His father is the same way, so i know he will never change. In the past he has hit me as well. He says i cant backchat him or have my say. what he says Goes.!!! I need help please! Advice, anything!
There is a guy at work who is interested in me and he is really sweet, but he is not the same religion as me, which could be a problem.
I always saw myself getting married to my bf. I dont know where to turn to
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He can't control you if you're long gone, and you should get out as soon as possible! How can you love someone who cheats on you, won't let you do anything, abuses you and treats you like a slave! He doesn't spoil you! He tries to buy you into a submissive, obedient, sick relationship! Can you imagine what a nightmare it would be if you were married to this jerk!? What you feel for him isn't love - it's fear of not finding someone better! You have low self-esteem, and you're settling for a controlling cheater! Chin up! ...
Answer Date: 01:32pm 08/19/08
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look there are guys out there in the world alot like how you decibed him. But there are other guys who will spoil you when they can and will treat you right. you should never have to give up friends to be with someone ever if they ask that of you then they are asking you to give up part of yourself cause friends help make up who you are.
Answer Date: 09:53am 08/20/08
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Ok, first of all, you are staying with him for shallow material things.
If you cared about yourself and respected yourself your happiness
would be more important than being *spoiled* by someone. You should
be taking care of yourself, not expecting someone to take care of you.
You allow this man to hit you and you stay with him? That is not *love*.
It's only a matter of time before he really hurts you or even kills you.
(and all over stupid imaginary drama that's not even real) !!!! If you mar...
If you cared about yourself and respected yourself your happiness
would be more important than being *spoiled* by someone. You should
be taking care of yourself, not expecting someone to take care of you.
You allow this man to hit you and you stay with him? That is not *love*.
It's only a matter of time before he really hurts you or even kills you.
(and all over stupid imaginary drama that's not even real) !!!! If you mar...
Answer Date: 10:26am 08/20/08
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The love you think you are feeling is called fear. He is an abusive cheat. You should also give your relationships time. Meeting online and moving in 2 months later is not very smart. I'd say kick him under the ass and get the hell out, because this sounds like a match made in hell. You are prostituting yourself, because it sounds like he gets to do to you what he wants just because he buys you stuff. Think about it. Actually there's not that much to think about. GET OUT!!...
Answer Date: 05:48am 08/21/08
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You are not attracted to his personality or charachter but money. What more does he need to do to you for you to realize that you are being brought. you are young. you should go out there and live and experience life not be tormented by the delusion that maybe he does love you. no man who loves his partner accuses her of cheating at her every move. leave him, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you just tagged a crab.DUMP HIM he will never ever change and you will regret staying with him for the rest of your life! Ther...
Answer Date: 03:05am 08/22/08
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sweety i see where you are comming from and everyone arownd you will tell you that hes no good for you that he will just keep hurting you. But the sad truth is that no matter what anyone says you will keep going back to him because you love him and you will hurt yourself bad,you will hurt the ones you love the most you wont see it but it will happend just like you cant change him no one els can change you but you will keep enduring this pain until something really bad happends
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Answer Date: 05:15pm 08/23/08
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Fear of losing material things is a hard situation. This man uses things to control you and this is basically a way of prostituting yourself for these things. You are young, and the fact that his ex is 17 is cause for concern as that is, in most states, statutory rape. Even with her consent. I'm surprised that by her having a child by him, that charges weren't filed. Honey get out before things get really bad. He's already hit you once, so now he'll feel that he has the right to do so when ever he wants. The fact that y...
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